The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
