The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
