I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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