Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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