I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
