Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
