Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
