I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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