phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
