I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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