So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
