Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
