I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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