I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
