When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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