Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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