My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
