Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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