Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
