Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
