Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
