6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You don't make any sense
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