I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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