I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
