wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
