She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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