So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dick very happy bro
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize