I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
