your parents love me but you hate me
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
