wakey wakey hands off snakey
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
