Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
