she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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