My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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