My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
