Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
