I want to stick my p in your. b.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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