quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
