i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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