He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Blood and glitter go together right?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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