i need an iv and a liver transplant
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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