so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
