well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
