You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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