I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
