you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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