she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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