Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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