I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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