I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
