you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
