totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
