Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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