Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
