Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
not ubering you a puppy
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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