saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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