that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
