i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
