another moral hangover. fuck.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
