I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
