Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
