oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
