I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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