Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
