Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Are we still banned from the library?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
