Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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