I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
