Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize