idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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