Did I show you my penis last night?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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