So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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