well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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