haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
