i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
