Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
