She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize