you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
