I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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