i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
