Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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