It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
