Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize